The Caffeinated Horror
by Dandelion Cat
Summary: Evil knows no bounds when Fuji gives Kikumaru a super-caffeinated ENERGY DRINK. Now, Seigaku desperately tries to catch their out-of-control teammate. . . . But it turns out to be a lot more difficult than they ever would have dreamed. Humor!
1. 1 Prelude

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis. Depressing, isn't it?

Prelude

The warm morning breeze was peaceful, lazily blowing the branches of a Sakura tree in front of the little grey house. The street beyond it was nearly empty, save for a few cars passing on the way to work. Tinges of color from the sunrise were just beginning to fade, leaving behind a pale blue sky. Everything was calm and quiet.

The birds began to chirp as light filtered through the faded white curtains. Locks of light brown hair fanned out on the pillow, disheveled from sleep. The expression on the face of Seigaku's Fuji Syuusuke was oddly relaxed, giving him an angelic appearance. He dozed quietly, the comforter pulled up to his chin as he lay nestled under the covers. He looked small and helpless; the picture of innocence.

Then, without warning, his ice-blue eyes shot open, glistening wickedly. He jolted upright, throwing back his sheets. Today was going to be special, he could just tell. Something fun was going to happen and it was up to him to get it started. Excited, he hurried out of bed and changed quickly, running down the stairs.

His sister had already left for work, and Fuji had the house to himself. Briefly, he read a note she'd left on the fridge, explaining that she would be out late, before he pulled out a pan to cook his breakfast.

Humming softly with his eyes half-closed, he searched the pantry for wasabi. I mean, seriously, eggs are no good without it! Finding it after a moment, he placed it on the counter before opening the refrigerator.

Inside were nearly a dozen bottles of a new drink that his sister had become attached to. He chuckled as he remembered her warning him sternly not to drink them. Apparently, they had a very high caffeine content. He grinned as he remembered the chaos he'd caused the one time he'd accidentally drunk some of Yuuta's energy drink. Afterwards, he'd been formally banned from caffeine (no, seriously, he'd signed a contract), so it was amusing when his sister had warned him, regardless.

Still, he stopped to stare at the drinks, an idea forming. Forgetting the eggs, he took one out and read the label. The number of digits after the word "caffeine" was impressive. Scanning the label, he saw something written in small print at the bottom. It was a warning, cautioning the consumer of side-effects caused by the product. A particular section caught his attention:

"_May cause extreme increase in energy, resulting in twitching, hyperness, quickness of speech, uncontrollable movement, and loss of judgment."_

He grinned; yes, this could be fun. Grabbing a couple of eggs, he shut the fridge and set the drink on the table.

He cooked his eggs quickly and took a seat in one of the wooden chairs, placing his food in front of him. As he ate, he looked at the drink going through a list of possible precipitants in his head.

_Tezuka?_ No. He was used to Fuji's tricks, and would – no doubt – keep his guard up.

_Ryoma?_ It probably wouldn't even be worth trying. Most likely, he would be too stubborn and suspicious (though he has reason to be) to drink it.

_Inui?_Again, probably not a good idea. He would most likely test the drink before consuming it, and Fuji didn't want to risk being forced to drink that awful Blue Vinegar. Uhg!

_Taka-san?_For a moment, it seemed like a good idea, but it was too easy. Taka-san would definitely drink it without complaint, denying Fuji of any satisfaction for convincing him. Besides, if Taka-san was _anywhere near_as out-of-control as he was when he was 'Burning', then there would be trouble. And if he got his hands on a racquet . . . Fuji shuddered at the thought of Tezuka's punishment for causing such a thing. Fuji would probably be running laps until he was thirty.

_Kaidou?_No. Fuji would bet that it would be interesting to watch, but it wouldn't be worth it. Kaidou would kill somebody for sure – namely Momo.

_Speaking of Momo . . . ?_Fuji smiled; maybe. But, as he thought about it, his smile began to fade. If Momo lacked good judgment, it was likely that someone would get hurt. He was too strong to be allowed to lose control. He could accidentally injure Ryoma while rough-housing, or go overboard in a fight with Kaidou. Yes; somebody would definitely get hurt.

Fuji sighed as he took a bite of his eggs. What was the point of a good plan if his teammates made it so difficult?! He continued running through his list, feeling apprehensive.

_Oishi?_. . . DEFINITELY NOT! Tezuka would murder him for sure. He remembered the last time that Oishi'd had an energy drink. . .

Worrying was a part of his nature, but, added with some sugar and caffeine; Oishi went on a fretful rampage. He'd gone from sending Ryoma to the hospital for a paper-cut, to forcing Tezuka to see a therapist. Apparently, Oishi thought he didn't smile because something was wrong with him. Then, later, he brought air-filled sumo outfits for Momo and Kaidou so that they couldn't hurt each other if they got in a fight.

All of this would have been vastly amusing if Oishi hadn't forced Fuji to wear a helmet and full body pads. To make it worse, the helmet was covered with little heart-shaped stickers. _Never_had he been so humiliated. And he almost got his revenge too, but Oishi ended up having to be sedated before Fuji could get to him.

That left only one more regular; Kikumaru Eiji. Fuji debated for a moment, and then his eyes opened, shining sadistically. There was something sinister about the way the cerulean blue darkened, giving off the same sensation as a sea before a storm. He smiled widely and, forgetting about the rest of his breakfast, he grabbed the drink and his bag, and ran out the door.

As he jogged to the school, he couldn't help but grin.

_Kikumaru Eiji, you'd better watch out!_

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Please review~nya! Sorry if this chapter isn't too interesting, but I promise that the next one (which is in progress) will be better! Ideas are welcome, especially in later chapters. You will get credit in the story for any ideas I use.


	2. 2 Seigaku

Chapter 1: Seigaku

Author's Note: It has come to my attention that some people may be wondering if this story will contain gay pairings. I just wanted to say that I don't write slash, but if you still manage to see it that way, then that's fine with me.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Prince of Tennis or any of the songs used in this chapter.

Fuji was elated to find that Kikumaru was the only other person in the locker room. Now, all he had to do was give him the energy drink and make him try it. Easy. Kikumaru was the type of person who would do anything you asked, as long as you provided a good explanation.

Struggling to keep his excitement at bay, Fuji calmly put his things in his locker and took the drink out of his bag. He set it down on the bench and turned away.

"What's that?" Kikumaru asked, his sharp eyes drawn to the bright label. Fuji turned to look at him, struggling to suppress a victorious grin. It was like taking candy from a baby – or more like giving.

"Oh – this?" he asked nonchalantly, picking up the drink. Kikumaru nodded in response. "My sister bought it for me, but I don't really like it. I much prefer Inui's wonderful juice, which has a stronger taste."

Kikumaru shuddered playfully, sticking out his tongue, "You've go to be kidding me! That stuff's awful!"

Fuji just smiled before glancing at the energy drink in offhand way. "Still, I feel bad for wasting this. My sister got it for me as a present, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Do you want it?"

Kikumaru looked at the bottle again, seeming slightly suspicious. "Nyaaaaa – I'm not sure. Is it really drinkable?"

Fuji smiled at him, trying to seem reassuring. "My little brother likes it, and he is far choosier than I am."

Kikumaru relaxed visibly. "Okay. I guess I'll try it."

Fuji tossed it to him, watching as he caught it deftly. Kikumaru glanced at the label, which was blurry and hard to read.

"Sorry about that. It got wet on the way here." Fuji lied, recalling how he'd soaked the bottle to keep Kikumaru from reading it.

"It's fine," Kikumaru assured him. As if to prove his point, he unscrewed the lid and took a sip.

"Wah! This is really good, nya!"

Fuji turned away and grinned, his cerulean eyes gleaming with a sadistic light. _Well, that was pretty easy._

He looked back to see Kikumaru gulping down the rest of the drink, completely oblivious. When he finished, he let out a happy sigh.

"Arigato, Fujiko!"

Fuji smiled back at him. "I'm glad you liked it."

Then, the other regulars walked in. Fuji swiftly turned around as they went by, shuffling distractedly through his locker. After a moment, he felt the presence of someone standing behind him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Tezuka staring at him with an eyebrow raised.

"You're up to something, aren't you?" He asked, his tone exasperated. Fuji merely smiled without missing a beat. This is why he hadn't bothered with Tezuka; he wouldn't be fooled. His buchou knew him too well.

"Saa, perhaps."

Tezuka's eyes narrowed at Fuji's expression, but he didn't pursue the matter. It was obvious that, whatever he was up to, it had already begun. Tezuka could only hope for the best.

"Don't let it get out of hand," he warned. Fuji continued to smile, but didn't reply. Tezuka took that as a bad sign. Fuji never makes promises that he can't keep. Without another word, Tezuka turned and walked away, a bad feeling in his gut.

Once he was gone, Fuji grabbed his racquet and headed towards the courts. He was eager, really. Things were going to be interesting, he could just tell. There was no way that he was going to be tied up in a tennis match once things started moving. If he was going to play against Momoshiro, then all he had to do was end the match quickly.

True to his word, Fuji defeated Momo in less than fifteen minutes, leaving him lying on the ground muttering curses about evil senpai-tachi.

Fuji hurried to the other courts, scanning for any sign of Kikumaru. There was no way that he was going to miss watching the show once the caffeine and sugar kicked in. All his preparation would be meaningless if he didn't get to see the result.

To his relief, Seigaku's acrobatics specialist appeared to be calm and alert as he waited for a serve. He and Oishi were battling against Kaidou and Inui, and the tension was high. For a practice match, the players seemed to be abnormally serious.

Several minutes went by, and Kikumaru's appearance didn't change. Tezuka looked over at Fuji and noted his displeased expression with satisfaction. Obviously, something was going wrong with his plan. Tezuka hoped that, whatever it was, it would hold up until the end of practice. He just wasn't in the mood to deal with another of Fuji's crazy tricks.

Fuji was beginning to feel agitated; why wasn't anything happening? He watched Kikumaru with watchful, half-lidded eyes – waiting – hoping that something would happen.

Then, as Kikumaru launched himself into the air, he flinched and missed the ball.

"Waah! Sorry, Oishi!"

"Ah – don't mind! We'll get the next one."

The pair returned to their positions and waited for Kaidou to serve the ball. Suddenly, Kikumaru's foot began to twitch. The movement was slight, causing most people to miss it, but Ryoma glanced at Fuji suspiciously.

"Ne, Fuji-senpai. What's wrong with Kikumaru-senpai?" He asked, his expression impatient as he waited for an answer. Fuji had to smile; his question was so direct, just like his personality.

"What do you mean, Echizen-kun?" Fuji asked, feigning innocence. Ryoma glared at him, his eyes narrowing into catlike slits. Regardless, he said nothing in response and turned back towards the courts without another word.

The twitching had spread to the rest of Kikumaru's body, causing him to fidget in front of the net. His eyes glanced around wildly, never settling on anything for more than a few seconds.

"Are you all right, Eiji?" Oishi asked, concerned. Kikumaru whirled around to look at him, his smile lopsided and one eye twitching.

"Of course, I'm fine!" He assured him cheerfully. Then he turned back to the front and flipped his racquet over his wrist. Oishi relaxed; Kikumaru never did that unless he was serious. But then he stop – was he seeing this wrong? Kikumaru was holding the racquet the wrong way; the handle was facing forward.

"Eiji?" He ventured, "Are you all right?"

Suddenly, Kikumaru leaped around and brought the handle of his racquet to his lips.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!_" he sang.

Ryoma fell over in shock. Momo froze for a moment before bursting out laughing. Kaidou – who'd thrown the ball up to serve – jerked in surprise, causing the ball to fall on his head. This made Momo laugh harder.

"_Life in plastic, it's fantastic!_"

Oishi backed away from his doubles partner, frightened. Inui ran to get his notebook.

"_You can brush my hair –"_

Taka-san had covered his face, embarrassed.

"– _Life is your creation!_"

Even Tezuka appeared stunned, caught unprepared by Kikumaru's actions. This was not what he'd been expecting. Fuji couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

In the meantime, Kaidou had decided that he couldn't stand the song any longer. Picking up a ball off the ground, he smashed it over the net, hitting Kikumaru on the side of the head.

"– _Let's go Barbie –_" **WACK**! "Owwie!!!"

Oishi took a step forward, wanting to inspect his injury, but was forced to leap back when Kaidou continued firing.

Instantly recovering from the blow, Kikumaru dodged out of the way.

"Missed me!" Dive. "So close!" Duck. "Nice try!" Slide. "See you next week!" Jump. "Hoy! Hoy!"

"URUSE!" Kaidou shouted, a vain jutting out of his forehead. He increased his tempo, struggling to land a hit. But it was in vain. Kikumaru dodged every one, laughing merrily.

Then, as Kaidou was about to hit another ball, he felt something tug at his head. Whirling around, he saw a flying piece of green fabric.

"Lookie! I've got Kaidou's bandana!" Kikumaru's voice rang. Kaidou stared; somehow, Kikumaru had managed to get behind him and steal his most precious belonging – well, aside from his racquet. He clenched his fist; earlier he was irritated, now, he was _pissed_.

He lunged, grabbing for his bandana, but Kikumaru leaped easily out of the way.

"Too slow!" he laughed. Kaidou charged at him again, and Kikumaru dodged to the side.

"Just missed m–" CRASH**!**

The entire court was silent, staring in horror. Kikumaru moaned, hauling himself off the fallen drink table. His hands were wet and slimy – he had fallen into Inui's Blue Vinegar drink. The bandana in his hand was soaked, its green color somehow staining to . . ._ pink?_ Kaidou's face was red with rage.

"_You – are – dead!_" he hissed.

Kikumaru screamed and threw the mutated bandana in the air.

Momoshiro, who had been laughing throughout the entire scene, screeched as it landed on his head.

"Somebody, get this disgusting rag off me!" he shouted, running at a group of freshmen. The younger players screamed, fleeing from the scent of the Blue Vinegar.

Kaidou whirled around, irritated by Momo's description of his precious bandana. For a moment, he was at lost; should he beat up Kikumaru or Momoshiro? 'Cause, either way, one of them was going to die! Then, his decision was made for him as Kikumaru resumed singing.

"_Every night in my dreams_

_I see you, I feeeeel you!_

_That is how –_"

"URUSE!" Kaidou snarled, racing after him. Who cares if Kikumaru was his senpai – he was going to flatten him!

"Waah! Save me, Ochibi!" Kikumaru shrieked, grabbing Ryoma and dragging him along as he ran away. He could hear Kaidou hissing behind them.

"Let me go, Kikumaru-senpai!" Ryoma yelled crossly, only to be ignored. He stumbled slightly as he struggled to keep up. He wondered if Kaidou could even tell the difference between one person and another at this stage.

He was then yanked through the gates and half-carried to an old closet. Kikumaru had paused for only a moment before yanking open the door. Abruptly, Ryoma was shoved inside and, as he was trying to get up, someone fell down on top of him.

"M-mou, Kikumaru-senpai, why did you bring me here?" a feminine voice moaned weakly. Ryoma instantly recognized it as Sakuno and felt his cheeks heat up. For a second, he struggled to get to his feet, but quickly realized that Sakuno was lying on his chest.

"Have fun with Ochibi!" Kikumaru grinned in response to her question. Then he turned around and shut the door, leaving the two to themselves.

Meanwhile . . .

Tezuka watched as his team erupted into a chaos. First years were running around screaming, trying to keep out of Kaidou's way as he raced after Kikumaru. Tezuka pushed up his glasses, fighting back a headache. It looked like Fuji's plan had worked after all.

"Fuji," he nearly groaned, "You'd better do something about this."

Fuji laughed softly. It was funny when Seigaku's stoic captain acted agitated. Then, he picked up a racquet and handed it to Taka-san.

"Huh? . . . Oh. . . BURNING! OH YEAH, BABY! BRING IT ON!" He shouted, running off. He waved his racquet around wildly, scattering a group of second years. Now, more people were running around, crashing into each other in their haste to escape from either Kaidou or Taka-san.

"Fuji," Tezuka sighed, barely able to conceal his irritation.

"Hm?"

"Why did you just make it worse?"

"I did what you told me to!" Fuji answered proudly. Tezuka turned away, fighting back an unsophisticated moan.

"BURNING!"

"Hoy, hoy!"

"Fshhhuuu!"

"Oishi, do something about your doubles partner," Tezuka ordered without looking at Fuji. As he spoke, Kikumaru pushed over several baskets of tennis balls.

"Ahhh!"

"Ouch!"

"My leg –!"

"Watch out!"

"Wheeee! Look at me, Oishi!"

Seigaku's mother hen squawked at the sight of Kikumaru walking on his hands through a cluster of tennis balls.

"Stop it, Eiji!" he shouted worriedly, unable to get near him due to the spilled tennis balls.

"Me no wanna, Mommy!" Kikumaru wailed in response. Oishi deadpanned.

"M-mommy?" he repeated, stammering.

Fuji chuckled, "Saa, that was unexpected."

Tezuka didn't comment; he'd always known that his teammates were a little odd. This just confirmed it, that's all.

"Kikumaru, come here," he ordered sternly.

"Yada! I don' wanna, Daddy!"

Tezuka's eye twitched. Kikumaru would definitely be running laps for this. And Fuji. This was all Fuji's fault. He barely refrained from turning to glare at his teammate.

"Kikumaru!" he barked more severely.

"No!" Kikumaru shouted, running away.

"Get back here!"

"You'll never take me alive!"

Momo ran up just in time to see Kikumaru vault over the wall and run down the street.

"This is bad," he moaned.

"Saa, what now, Tezuka?" Fuji asked, his eyes half-closed with amusement.

Tezuka nearly sighed. "We're going to have to stop him."

"How are we going to do that? We're not going to hurt him, right?" Oishi asked apprehensively. Tezuka looked at Fuji.

"Saa, why don't we use Echizen-kun as bait? Eiji seems fairly fond of him."

"Mah, it sounds like a good idea, but I haven't seen Echizen for a while. Not since Kikumaru-senpai kidnapped him, anyways." Momo muttered.

"Oh no! Do you think he's hurt? What if Eiji accidentally injured him? This is terrible –"

_As Oishi frantically tried to gather a search group to find their missing first year regular. . ._

The closet door was suddenly shoved open, surprising the two behind it.

"Got to put this awa– Ahhhh!"

"Eeeeeiiiiik!"

"Hn."

"O-oh. I'm s-sorry, I'll come back later," the flustered first year stammered. Then he whirled around, slamming the door shut behind him as he fled from the scene. Sakuno and Ryoma looked at each other.

". . ."

". . ."

"Now, where were we?" Ryoma asked softly, brushing his lips against hers.

* * *

Please review! Ideas are welcome for the next chapter, which will be at Fudomine. Let me know what you think!


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